just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
