What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
