The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
