New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
