My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
