I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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