I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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