There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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