Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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