im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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