I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
