you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
