its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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