Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
