Say something about gay babies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
