That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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