YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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