Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
