Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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