I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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