I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
