I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
