Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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