Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
