we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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