you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
