if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No subtext here. People are naked.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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