he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
