so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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