I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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