Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
