You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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