none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
