After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
