i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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