I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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