You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
