How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
