Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
