I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I met the friendliest cop last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
