I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
