So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
