Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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