the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
farters have to be the big spoon...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
