Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
