Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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