Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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