U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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