It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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