my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Farmville is her only friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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