literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
