he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
