The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
