you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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