Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
