Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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