I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
