areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
