I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
