She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
