I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I understand Curling. That high.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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