the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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