Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
