I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
