hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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