return my video game
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
