i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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