This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
