Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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